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new year new journal [01 Jan 2005|07:28pm]
Yes, so I have created a new journal. Don't worry, it will find you. I'm not going to delete this one b/c it has so much of me attached to it and I'm not ready to let all that go, but it is a new year, my year, 2005, and that calls for a new journal.

So if for some reason my journal does not find you and you feel as though you are entitled to knowing what is going on in my life, then please comment on this journal and I may or may not give you access to said new journal.

Uh so that was a lot of shit that made no sense, but baiscally, i have a new journal! it is a new year! yeah!!
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Beginning of a new year [01 Jan 2005|02:46pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Well I have to finish off last year first. So New Year's was very fun. Ice skating for a bit, then to Tom's.
I got a fucking migraine, what a way to ring in the new year- literally my head was ringing for like 6hours straight. But I didn't wanna leave.
We watched the 3rd lord of the rings, though I didn't really watch it, my head hurt to much so I closed my eyes due to headache and/or being freadked out by giant spiders and ugly flying things. Also, I could only see the upper half of the tv, but that's ok.
The new year couldn't have been more perfect headache and all. we all counted down and kissed at midnight, the traditional stuff, with an added bonus *wink wink* the only tradition I didn't do was running around outside screaming "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" but due to my wonderful head, that just wasn't gonna happen. It was a much more mellow new year this year. But I must say, that it was my favorite so far.

Yes, so this is my year. The year of Senior Prom, Graduation from RHHS, Academy Awards, Senior Performances, Acceptance to College, Deciding where to go to college, Actually going to college and saying goodbye to high school and all its memories. It's bittersweet. Who knows where I will be in a year from now, who I will have become, where I will return to when winter break is over. This year holds so much promise and so many possibilities. It's going to be a year filled with laughter and tears. New friendships and struggles to maintain old ones. 2005- I'm ready for whatever you have to offer me.

But for right now, I am the happiest I have been in a long time.

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[31 Dec 2004|12:56pm]
[ mood | euphoric ]

I managed to sit through 6+ hours of Lord of The Rings yesterday! During the 1st one I had a push pop so I was relatively quiet even though I made everyone sign a disclaimer saying they wouldn't casue me harm if I got all annoyingly ADD. then we took a 2 hour dinner break to Cosi's, very fun, lots of pyro activities going on there. I de-vriginized Jeff in Bruce, yeah he doens't fit he's too tall! then back to Lauren's for take 2. This time I owe my non ADDness to Tom, except during that "orgasmic" battle scene. I have no idea what the hell was so arousing about it, but whatever, I snuggled w/Jeff so it was all good. Then Jeff and Meg left and we watched Napoleon Dynamite, which is a very dumb movie. Tom and I made a fort and yeah.
The End

P.S. You're AMAZING!!!!!!!!

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a blurr [30 Dec 2004|10:13am]
[ mood | groggy ]

Yesterday is all a blur right now. I know I went to breakfast w/Tom, did some monologue searching, watched some famliy guy. Then Dad introduced me to a million people at his job who all seemed to know everything about me, but whose names and faces I have already forgot. That was just really weird and akward. Then we went to NYC! What a nice surprise. Dad took me to 5th ave and we looked in Saks and Bloomingdales and walked all along 5th ave to look in the store windows. We stopped at Rockefeller Center and saw the huge tree. It was nice, we didn't have to say much to each other due to the excessive amounts of people and noise everywhere we went, but it was better that way. New York is beautiful at Christmas time. I had never been, well during the Christmas season. I don't really like New York and I'd never want to live there, but last night I was in awe at its beauty, and not just the lights all the people and languages, the faces and conversations and laughter. It's a truly breathtaking city, full of life. We ate at Patsy's, nice little Italien place we found on 60th and 3rd. Then we were going to go to Serendipity for dessert, but the wait was 3 hours, so we walked a block and went to Dylan's Candy Bar instead and got ice cream mix ins.
Got home at 1am, not a bad way to spend and evening.

Today I am off to shower, make a latte, clean Bruce, watch some Mary Kate and Ashley or something equally stupid w/Riccio, run some monologues seeing as how I'm supposed to have 4 memorized and worked for Monday, then to Lauren's for a 9 hour Lord of The Rings marathon during which I'm sure I will die of an ADD attack. But it will be fun and uh amusing to say the least.

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What A Day [28 Dec 2004|10:24pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Today started out wonderfully, breakfast made by my grandmother during the wee hours of the night, watching the sun come up to my new Phil Collins CD while driving down the lonely mass pike. The view is gorgeous, moutains and snow and the whole thing is breathtaking.
Then I was on time picking up everyone, and on time, early actually to the service this morning. That was quite posisble one of the most difficult things I have done. I was trying to fight tears throughout the first half hour we were there, which was just us sitting watching people come in. People I haven't seen in years, who have graduated and whose faces I remeber but whose names I have long forgot. The haven't forgot though. The sense of family in that small church today was overwhelmingly comforting, the sense that if something happens to any of us, we will all support each other and how true that is. Also though, the sense of grief and loss. There is no word other than heavy for how I felt and how that room was today. There were beautiful songs and welll scripted prayers, heartfelt stories of rememberance and theories on why it happened, attempts to comfort. There were so many tears, so much sadness and grief. It was overwhleming.
After the service there was a reception and recieving lines. I waited in line and got incredibly anxious to see Jill, to hold her. I couldn't even speak to say "I'm sorry" or "I'm here for you" Just looking at her got me all choked up. So I did what I could, I hugged her and cried on her shoulder, made her feel like the wonderful mother, I'm convinced she will be. I let her cry on my shoulder as well and we just stood and held each other, no words needed to be exchanged and I hugged her til she pulled away. Then I stepped away into a group of familiar faces that I wanted nothing to do with. I wanted to leave, to get out of the grief, out of the room, the universe, I couldn't stay there. IT beacme to happy, to social within it's sadness it was the reuniting of faces lost and found again, of teachers and former students or friends and former enemies. The energy shifted and made me even more uncomfortable. So we left. I took a part of the grief with me, it will always be there. The words, the faces, that sense of heaviness will never leave.

Then we went out to lunch and drove home as if we'd just seen a depressing play instead of a real life situation that affected us. We were all so blown away we wanted to push it aside, and not deal with it. Just like the kids who came to the service on something or the kids who didn't come at all. We wanted to escape that feeling too, only we did it differently. We played loud music and planned for lunch, and New Year's. Everyone wanted to escape it was simply to much to bear. So we went to lunch, I dropped everyone off at their designated places and returned home exhausted.

I got home, arms filled with suitcases, gifts, scarves and garbage to a letter on my kitchen table. A letter from the dean at hofstra. He was pleased to inform me that I have been accepted to Hofstra Univeristy for the class of 2009! Instant energy rush!!!! So I called Mom, she wasn't home, so I called Tom and screamed for a good 10mins "I GOT INTO COLLEGE" I danced and screamed some more, made coffee and jumped and oh man, such a feeling of relief. Then I called Dad, who was equally as happy for me. We made dinner plans.

Tom, Dad and I went to Hops for dinner. That was less akward than I envisioned, which is good. Dad got Tom's approval and Tom got Dad's, so the hard part is done. Dinner was good.

Then we were supposed to go see Spanglish, but after waiting in line for 10mins, after already being 10mins late and realizing we were going to miss 1/2 the movie by the time we got tickets, we decided to ditch and go to Middletown and prayed the entire town of Middletown didn't decide to go to the movies, like Berlin apparently had.

So we saw Meet the Fockers. Funny, even the 2nd time. Now aside from my left arm feeling light and my right being dead heavy, I am wonderful. So content from tonight and looking forward to breakfast tomorrow. But today was a roller coaster of emotions, as I anticipated it to be. Glad to be ending the day on a postive note, with the plans of tomorrow lingering in my head so I will wake up happy.

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[28 Dec 2004|04:16pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

I GOT INTO COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOFSTRA to be precise, however it doesn't really matter b/c in Sept I will be going to college, not in CT and not living at home!!!! COllege!!!! woo hoo nothing matters anymore, well school wise b/c I am going to college!!!!!!!

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Brief update-o [27 Dec 2004|05:50pm]
[ mood | content ]

So I'm still in Mass chilling(literally freezing to death) with my grandparents. I almost died last night trying to drive Bruce uphill in a blizzard, he decided to slide all over and not let me see anything or have any control over steering, yeah it was good fun. I'm just lucky he stopped short of my aunt's tree he decided looked alot like her driveway!
Christmas was good, just finally finished all the gifts yesterdays at my 2nd cousins. I love it here but I really miss people back at home. I'm leaving at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow to drive to CT to go to the service, really not looking forward to the service, b/c I know I'll get all emotional, but hopefully Jill will feel loved at least. I don't know what else to do to help her.
Got good gifts, 3 oil changes for Bruce in my stocking, $100 for yoga classes, tons of clothes, Phil Collins and India Arie, massaging slippers, (those are the BEST!), and of course gift cards. All in all it was a very good Christmas this year. The best gifts by far were, well my boyfriend of course and then Brian going to the Christmas eve service at St. Andrew's even though he has left that church. I asked him to go as a Christmas gift to me, and so he went, which of course was very touching and one of those things he does where he doesn't say "I love you" but its so much better than that. A simple smile during the service to let me know he came b/c of me. Plus Michelle went, my sister. She never goes to church, but I think she's finally coming around.
So yeah, gonna watch a movie late tonight and keep the grandparents up all night, eating pie and watching action movies. I love them!
Last night at my other grandma's house I barely slept b/c the room had no heat and I was absolutely freezing!!!!!!!!!! But yeah. That's all for now.

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last night [24 Dec 2004|01:11pm]
[ mood | loved ]

It'd be unfair to say last night was utterly awesome, because there was a good chunk of it that I spent sobbing over how unfair life can be to some people. The news of Jill's baby hit me and hit me hard- really hard. I spent about an hour crying and making phone calls to inform people, who upon recieving the information also began crying. It was a horrendously sad hour. I'm glad I found a quiet space to cry and fall apart, collect myself, call a different person, do it all over again. I didn't want anyone to interrupt that part of my evening.
Then Riccio consoled me, which was much needed and offered to escape, as tempting as it was, I'm glad I didn't. But thanks Michelle for knowing me so well to know that I should have, would have.
After that I kinda hit rock bottom and was exhausted and just enjoyed listening to Tom serenade me with Christmas songs while I took a nap on his lap. Then a toast, and some Berman drunkenness at the corner, which I didn't have the energy to partake in, but it looked hysterical. Then to DDR, which I surprisingly didn't suck as much at, Tom didn't either, prolly b/c we're both awful, so together we cancel each other out.
Then for some movie watching and snuggling, which was good.

But the best part was when everyone had left and it was Clark, Lauren, me, Tom, Ashley and Jeff just chilling to Jeff's "chill mix" downstairs. Apparently I fell asleep, but I woke up exactly where I wanted to be. Everything just feels so right. All my stupid anexiety from yesterday is gone, like I thought it would be.

This is right, Tom and me, this is perfect.

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Today [21 Dec 2004|08:48pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I'm so happy! well was so happy.

Til academy where I wanted to kill Lori, her and her stupid comments that are all repetitive "You just have to be more stupid! She's just a stupid girl. I know you're not but... it's like this. Pretend you're talking to a dog, do you have a dog?" Me. "No." "Ok well have you seen people with dogs? Ok so pretend like Lady Wishforit is a dog who did a really good trick." GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH that woman will be the death of me. Then she made me sing opera version. And I got really, REALLY mad, and quiet and Graice stood up for me and asked Lori why I had to be dumb and Lori was like blah blah blah. you're dumb your name is Foible, do it again.

GAHHHHHHHHH I wanna kill that woman. I really do.

Anyway Now I'm talking to Tom, so all is good. Now off to watch Prancer and wrap last minute gifts.

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SNOW DAY! [20 Dec 2004|02:09pm]
[ mood | happy ]

So today is the first snow day of the year and ahhhh it's beautiful outside. I love snow. It makes everything so pure and pretty.

Go enjoy your snow day everyone. I will be sledding in my backyard if anyone cares to join me. Then will be cocoa and gingerbread building, then Chritsmas movie watching.

I heart snow days, yes i do.

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awesome weekend- 10 of 10 [19 Dec 2004|08:03pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

this weekend has been on of the best in a long time. Bright Nights last night, caroling today. All with someone who I really enjoy spending time with. Hahaha hazard lights and poking and seatbelt sex ahhhh so much fun.

I'm so relaxed and ahhh i love it. Caroling always puts me ina christmas spirit.

Plus I went to an Emmaus reunion today for the 1st time in literally 3 years. Carrington gave me a huge hug that made me feel at home. I was totally planning on not accepting Joan's offer to be on the next weekend, but I walked into Emmaus today and Dan gavea 4th day talk and Carrington hugged me and I felt like this is where I am supposed to be. Moe was talking about how Mary accepted God's plan for her. And now God is asking me to be on team, he's calling my name. I am saying yes.

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[18 Dec 2004|11:04pm]
[ mood | jubilant ]

some people can make you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy, just by spending time with you, and having good, honest conversation. Ahhhhhhhh Tonight was one of the best nights I've had in a long time!

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tonight [17 Dec 2004|07:35pm]
so yeah, for the first time in such a long time, all of my plans have fallen through and I have nothing to do tonight. So I am going to enjoy it. I am going to put on my pjs and read my book, and sip some cocoa, when I am sick of reading I will watch a Christmas movie all snuggled in my chair. Yup, tonight will not suck, as I once thought it would, tonight will be relaxing and festive. It will be fun, it will!
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this is love... [16 Dec 2004|08:32am]
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, and your voice gets caught in your chest whenever you say their name?
It isn't Love, it's Like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?
It isn't Love, it's Lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn't Love, it's Luck.

Do you want them because you know they'll always be there for you?
It isn't Love, it's Loneliness.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
It isn't Love, it's Loyalty.

Do you stay for their confessions of Love, because you don't want to hurt them?
It isn't Love, it's Pity.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
It isn't Love, it's being Unconfident.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn't Love, it's Infatuation.

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
It isn't Love, it's Friendship.

Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?
It isn't Love, it's a Lie.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?
It isn't Love, it's Charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
Then it's Love.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it's Love.

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?
Then it's Love.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?
Then it's Love.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it's Love.

But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and euphoria pulls you close and holds you?
Then it's Love.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
Then it's Love.

Now, if Love is painful, and tortures us so,
why do we Love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?

Because it’s love.

*copied from jen's journal*
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me too... a little later, but better late than never [16 Dec 2004|08:30am]

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What would you do if:
» I committed suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Are we close?
[13] Emotionally, what stands out?
[14] Do you wish I was cooler?
[15] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[16] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[17] Am I loveable?
[18] How long have you known me?
[19] Describe me in one word.
[20] What was your first impression?
[21] Do you still think that way about me now?
[22] What do you think my weakness is?
[23] Do you think I'll get married?
[24] What about me makes you happy?
[25] What about me makes you sad?
[26] What reminds you of me?
[27] What's something you would change about me?
[28] How well do you know me?
[29] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[30] Do you think I would kill someone?
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too much caffiene.... and procrastination= survey!!!!! [15 Dec 2004|07:53pm]
[ mood | high ]

1. name: Sara
2. single or taken: single and ready to mingle!
3. sex: female
4. hair color: Brown w/unnatural blondish(though i wanted brown) highlights
5. eye color: brown
6. shoe size: 11-12 women's
7. height: 5'8" accroding to the cap and gown man

f a s h i o n | s t u f f

1. where is your favorite place to shop: Target!!! w/steven
2. any tattoos or piercings: si

s p e c i f i c s

1. do you do drugs?: depends on the drug, mostly no, but sometimes yes
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: whatever is in my shower
3. what are you most scared of?: pregnancy
5. who is the last person that called you?: Johnny!!!! haha that's funny
6. where do you want to get married?: uh no where cuz i don't wanna get married, but if i did on the cliffs of dover or somewhere on a cliff
7. how many buddies are online right now?: 8+3+1+3+4+5+4+17= that number!

.f a v o r i t e s

1. color: blues
2. food: chicken stir fry
3. boys names: michael, nicholas,
4. girls names: hope, faith, sara, jennifer
5. subjects in school: acting, commedia,
6. animals: gorillas
7. sports: football

h a v e | y o u | e v e r

1. driven with anyone who was drunk or high?: yup
2. smoked?: yea
3. bungee jumped?:no
4. skinny dipped?: yup
5: ever been in love?: yes.
6. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: uh huh
7. pictured your crush naked?: always
8. actually seen your crush naked?: maybe....
9. cried when someone died?: yes
10. lied: yes
11. been rejected?: everyone has
12. rejected someone?: yes.
13. used someone?: yea
14. done something you regreted?: numerous times

c u r r e n t

1. music: none
2. smell: air, and shampoo
4. desktop picture: the screen saver tom has of the elf workshop and the x-mas countdown
5. book you're reading: call girls
6. cd in player: spice girls in car(karyn's- gotta give that back), some x-mas one in room
7. dvd in player: 10 things i hate about you
8. color of toenails: red

r a n d o m

1. in the morning i am: rushing rushing RUSHING
2. all i need is: time and wide open space to frolic in
3. love is: comlicated but worth it

d o | y o u | e v e r

1. sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you?: not since middle school
2. wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: nope, though sometimes i wonder what it'd be like
3. wish you were younger: i wish i could relive childhood knowing what i now know so i'd enjoy/appreciate it more... no nevermind i don't wish that
4. cried because someone said something to you?: lately, yeah

N u m b e r

1. of times i have had my heart broken: once
2. of hearts i have broken: 2 though one i broke twice
3. of guys ive kissed: oh dear... ummm more than 10 how's that?
4. of continents i have lived on: one
5. of tight friends: Aenough
6. of scars on my body: endless

F i n a l | q u e s t i o n s

1. do you like fillings these out?: when i am stalling sure
5. gold or silver: silver
6. what was the last film you saw at the movies? national treasure
7. favorite cartoon/anime?: disney movies, or david the knome
8. what did you have for breakfast this morning?: cheerios(out of OATMEAL!!)
10. who would you love being locked in a room with?: there are several answers to this... brian would be a fun one, romantically i could think of a few ppl, gracie would be fun, harriet tubman- to pick her mind, jess... for the purpose of catching up, yeah i could make an argument for several people
11. could you live without your computer?: yea
12. would you color your hair?: i have done it
13. could you ever get off the computer?: i do alot, yes...
14. habla espanol?: go international honor society for 6months til they kicked me out!!! uh that'd be a NO
15. how many people are on your buddy list?: 52+7+14+20+26+10+10+15+33+1+12
16. drink alcohol?: not so much

Spell your first name backwards: aras
Where do you live: CT!
Wallet: its black with lots of shit in it
Hairbrush: don't own one
Toothbrush? white
Jewelry worn daily: 3rings, 4 but one is getting fixed
Pillow covers: chinese, tan w/black lettering and red symbols
Blanket: same as pillow covers, a pruple fuzzy one and one w/wolves on it
Coffee cup? several, one from starbucks, one w/my name on it, one with my fav Bible verse on it
Sunglasses? don't have any
What you are wearing now: oscar the grouch underwear, pj pants and a sweatshirt
Makeup: remnants of eyeliner after my "baby shampoo eye bath"

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)

In my mouth? who was in my mouth? recently? uh dan, what? gum, pens, pencils, etc
In my head? my brian hopefully
After this? dinner and lots of H2O I'm shaking from too much caffeine intake.....damn the opera
Talking to? no one
Eating? nothing... though my tummy's growling
Person you wish you could see right now: the roger's family, and brian
Is next to you: phone and book
Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month: bright nights, christmas, new years' so much!!!!
Do you like candles? Alot
Do you like hot wax? uh huh
Do you like incense? i do
Do you like the taste of blood? not particularily
Do you believe in love? yea
Do you believe in soul mates? Yea
Do you believe in love at first sight? Yea
Do you believe in Heaven? yes
Do you believe in forgiveness? yeah
Do you believe in God? yes.
If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be? cat i think or fish
What is the latest you've ever stayed up? all night?
Ever been to Belgium? no
Can you eat with chopsticks? YES! thanks to riccio
What's your favorite coin? engish ones, the one that is worth 5 but looks like a dime
What are some of your favorite candy? dots or kit kats or something w/peanut butter

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[14 Dec 2004|09:36pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

There's something magical in decorating the Christmas tree. I love my family tradition of decorating, while listening to Christmas CDs, then someone puts the star on the tree, we all watch, then the girls sit and snuggle on the couch and my parents sit and snuggle in the chair. Then we shut off the musics and sing every verse to every carol we can come up with. Then we all just kinda sit and bathe in the light from our newly decorated tree. My tree is always teetering over to one side with so many ornaments. Most are handmade or have some sentimental value. It's beautiful and absolutely perfect, every single year. A collaboration of happy memories and new smiles.

Ahhhh Christmas is close, I can taste it.

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x-mas tree [14 Dec 2004|06:42pm]
[ mood | excited ]

gonna go decorate my christmas tree all night and listen to happy christmas tunes and be a happy family. (hopefully). It is one of my fav Christmas traditions!!!

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college [13 Dec 2004|09:46pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

So it seems everyone else has finished college apps and possibly even have gotten in to college already and I am still sitting here applying as we speak. My goal is to be done. like totally done for friday. Then i will go party myself to death b/c i will be done and not care about anything anymore.
I'm supposed to hear like by friday from 2 schools i know hofstra is one and i have no idea of the other! Oh well, hopefully I'll get in somewhere and that is where I shall go!!
Gah back to apps and more apps. 2 more to go!!

P.S. I got out of Rabhani's class for next semester! *Insert happy dance here*

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